swollen eyes

I get up
to get ready
for work.
My eyes
are swollen.
As I breathe
in it hurts.
It is tight.
I am here.
still.
Now what?
I get into
the shower
and then
eat breakfast.
My mom
sitting
across
from me
says nothing.
she is mad
at me.
Not mad,
disappointed.
I feel 12.
she finally
starts talking
about the weather.
A sign that
she is making
peace with
my mistake.
I get up.
get ready
for work
and put my
eye shadow
on extra thick
so my swollen
eyes
will not
be looked at.
I smile in
the mirror.
a fake smile.
As I leave
my mom
says,
Just focus
on work today,
it will make it
easier.
and I love you.
I know mom.
i reply.
I get into
my car and
I turn on the
radio on
and John Mayer
is singing to
me..
Whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.
water, water, water.
sleep.
He sings to me...
its just a phase its not
forever.
I hope not,
i think.
I pray not.