Forgiveness, Hurt and Regret

I got your text.

Your name did

not come up,

because I took

your name out

of my phone.

but I knew it

was you.

You used my 

nickname.

I did not respond

right away.

I thought of

the last conversation

we had.

The hurt,

The regret..

The miscommunication.

I respond and 

we have our pollite

conversation

over the phone.

Between the words,

were the words

not being delivered.

The ones we should

have said.

Between the

Happy to hear you are doing well

and hows your family?

You should be saying 

your feelings.

but you were never good

at that.

I should be

telling you

that you

broke my heart.

That you were 

the first man 

I loved since

my divorce.

That you pushed 

me away.

That I did not fight,

because in my

life I had

little fight left.

I should be telling

you that I 

wake up in the 

middle of the night

and think of you.

And 

miss you.

As the conversation

continued in

not saying what

we should

be saying,

I felt

your forgiveness.

I sat

on the 

floor

staring

at the

phone.

You would

never say sorry.

You would never 

say I forgive you.

All you said

was 

Thanks C.

I let myself

cry.

I let myself go.

I let go of the Hurt,

The regret.

But I decided 

to keep

The memories

The love,

The sweetness.

And the

forgiveness.

I simply responed

Your welcome.

The last thing

you texted 

was the door being

closed

but this time

not slammed.

your last words

were,

I hope you find

that hand that

should be

holding yours.

You deserve that.

I cried.

and I did

not respond.

You would

not want

me to.

So I sit like

a chid

on the floor,

crying

then laughing

and taking 

your gifts.