Under the house.

It reminded
me of
when I
was a
child.
I was walking
to my car
after work
in a dark
parking garage.
As I walked up
the stairs
I saw it
in your eyes.
That same look
I remember
as a child.
Unstable,
Angry
and full
of rage.
I quickly
walked up
the stairs
and I could
feel someone
behind me.
Calm
I thought, Be calm.
I remember that look
in my father's eyes,
Right before
He would hurt
me. If I was lucky
I would
run out the front
door to the back
and hide under the house.
Right now
there
was nowhere
for me to hide.
As I was walking faster
I had a moment
of panic.
The things this man
was saying
what if he really
did these things
to me?
A couple appeared
which saved
me,
I go to my
car and the next thing
I remember
I was on the highway.
but I was still
under the house
in my mind.
The panic
was overwhelming.
I pulled my car
over and pulled
into a gas station.
I got
out of the
car to get some
air.
My head
was spinning.
I was unable to
think.
I leaned over
and threw up.
Tears streamed
down my
face.
As I leaned against
the car,
I whimpered
and cried.
Not for what just happened.
But because
in a moment
I could be
back under that
house.
And honestly,
I just can
not,
Those memories
if I let them
could
swallow me
up and
paralyze me.
I got back
in my car
to drive
home and
I put my music
on...
the song playing
calmed
me.
It was a song
my brother would play
when it was safe
to go back into
the house.
Emmylou Harris...
Bluebird was
playing.
And I got
up and
acted like
nothing happened,
much like
this evening.