My Own List

So the feelings
are still there
and change,
what is that really?
I can only speak
to who I am
and what I see.
The sea of
faces, the
ocean of conversations.
The galaxy of emails.
Are these names
sorted Alphabetically?
By Tenure
or Experience?
Or even by department?
As I drink my coffee
on my deck listening
to the birds chirping
their happy
songs of unity
I open my email to
see once again
That my name is
last.
Not based on
tenure or
even by last name.
I see Man
Man
Man
Man
Man
Man
Woman
Woman
Woman
Woman
Then me.
When I see your name
composing the
list once again
I understand.
I see you.
It bothers
me some days
some days
I look at my
journey and say
Keep your eyes on the prize.
You don't see me
and you don't
know me.
So let me explain
it in a way
you will understand.
Since lists
are so important
to you.
I have my Own
list and
on the top
not by gender
not by tenure
not by experience
or leadership
qualities is
your name.
Since you like to be first.