Can I do this?

I get to dance
class.
I am cranky.
Today we
dance with
everyone in
a group.
I hate this,
If you make a
mistake you have
to fix it in front
of the class.
Then everyone
rolls their eyes,
like I am wasting
their time.
So I stretch and
give myself a pep
talk...You can
do this...
Blah, blah, Blah.
The music starts
and it is stuffy.
Its classical, and
I do not like it.
Its not real to
me, I feel nothing
just notes.
But I have
no choice.
It is a modern
dance class.
so what do I
expect.
I mess up
several times.
I just can not
connect to
the music.
I get called out
twice.
You are not
prepared...
What are you
doing?
Really...Rossa?
These are the phrases
I hear for hours.
Finally sweaty and
frustrated and pissed.
I do what any
trailer park girl
would do.
I yell.
I hate this music
there is no, heartache,
no struggle, No healing
no redemption...
How do I connect to
it. I yell. Holding
my face.
The class is quiet.
I think well...
I guess I should leave.
before they ask
me to leave.
Some people
in the back are saying
things like..what the...
and she should just leave.

Silence..
The instructor comes
over to me.
Rossa, you are not
prepared today.
that is unprofessional.
You can not
do this.
You have not
practiced.
My face turns red.
I pull my phone out
and put it on his speaker
I set it to.
Flo Rida
Good Feeling.
It is loud and Fast.
I get into positon
and I start to dance.
The steps flow
like water.
The rap music
fills the room.
Loudly..
my heartbeat
matches the bass
as it crashes.
As I lift my legs
my arms into
position...
I know its perfect.
I can connect
to this music.
I can dance
any dance
to this...
this is my life.
His words, his
rawness is mine.
And I will not apologize
for it.
As I am done with the
dance..
I end on point
and stop.
Silence.
The music
stops.
My instructor
looks at me.
I look at him
pissed , sweaty
and done.
Can I do this?
I ask..
Am I prepared?
I ask..
You bet your
sweet ass.
Now put your music
on..I just needed to
be inspired.
The instructor
went over to my phone
and yelled at
the room..
Get into
your positions.
He took my phone
off the speaker and
put his music back
on..For the record
Ms. Rossa.
That was brilliant.
Just not my class.
I looked back at
him and he winked.
The music started
again..Slow and 
tedious...
Can I do this?
yes I can..
And I did.