Stop This.

On that drive
home.
I drove for
30 min.
Silence.
All I heard
was the
tires against
the pavement.
my car accelerating.
I could not
even hear
my own heart.
I created this.
I have become
this, at
times it
saddens me.
I justify it and
say life is to
short.
Its all crap,
I know what
I am doing
to myself.
I am doing
exactly
what my
father wanted
me to do.
be a victim.
I can see
reality
I can feel
it.
and I do not
like it.
So I will say this
once,
out loud so
that I hear it.
And after these
words
are spoken
I will stop this.
I am the only one
who can.
I start to speak
and as i do
i fight back the
tears.
I deserve Love
so much that I can
barley breath.
I deserve Respect.
I deserve More
than what I have created
for myself.
At this moment.
I am saying it
to myself out
loud.
Stop this Christina.
You are worth
so much more.
So I am...
Stopping this.