Disappointment

I know
now what
this word
means.
today.
I will never
use it again.
I made a huge
mistake.
One now I have
to fix.
the problem
only 2 solutions.
And both of them
do not work.
I am disappointed
that I put myself
in this position.
this place
to have to choose.
Each solution
is bad.
I will give up
so much.
and right now
crying seems
to be the only
thing I can do.
I guess I feel
if I cry enough
God will help.
He will not.
He is mad
at me.
And he should be.
acting this way.
being this way.
weak.
so now i sit
and cry and
yes
I still pray.
If I could take
my actions
back.
I would.
I see now how
reckless I have
been.
All for a man.
All for someone
to see me.
to love me.
to respect me.
guess what?
I did not find it.
I found that
men are selfish
and only care
about themselves.
I knew this.
I lived this.
And yet,
I still kept searching.
so now I must
make a choice.
One that I have
no idea what to
do.
right now I am
so upset at me
that if I could
I would slap
myself in the face
and scream...Wake Up!
stop looking for love.
there is nothing
out there for
you.
Nothing
but
disappointment.