giving my life back.

This morning I
sat on my deck.
with the cars
zooming by.
It used to bother
me,
but not this
morning.
the sun
is beating
on my
face.
My cup of
coffee is
hot in my
hands.
My mom
comes out with
the dog.
Why are
you sitting
outside for?
you usually
watch the news.
I am exhausted
mom.
I look at her.
Aren't you Mom?
She stares out
the sun touching
only part of her
face.
She says,
You have been
through allot this week
you should be exhausted.
I am exhausted, mom.
I reply. I am exhausted
from living in a box.
I want to sit outside.
I feel like
I have to be so
much, to so many
people.
she replies,
I know.
Come outside
with me mom.
Lets start
fresh.
I say looking at
her.
I am exhausted to,
she says.
Life...is so
different than
I thought it
would be.
my mom walks out
and sits down
beside me.
The sun beating
on our faces.
This feels good
she says, the heat
on my face.
Not saying
a word for
a long time,
we just sit staring.
My mom
moves her
hand to mine
and holds
it.
She speaks..
very lightly.
I almost can
not hear
her.
Honey,
I am so sorry
for your Loss.
water falls
from my
eyes..
thank you Mom.
I whisper.
I will be different
now, you understand.
right?
Yes...she whispers.
You should be
living your life.
not mine.
As we stare out .
cars are passing
by and people
are waving.
we do not
see them.
all we feel is
the shift.
The shift of
my mother
giving me
my life back.