I might have your baby

3 days late.
It makes me
so exhausted.
I thought about
it all day.
I am sure
that I am
pregnant.
I wanted to
talk to you
today about
it over
breakfast.
I wanted
to ask you.
what if.
but we
started on
different
subjects.
as you spoke
we decide
to be honest with
each other.
As you spoke,
my heart dropped.
your past.
your woman.
I thought you were
so different.
You have
done nothing
bad.
But when you
talked about
your past and
the time table
i realized I
was in the middle
of it.
I was in
there.
and I did not
know about
the others.
I left.
not speaking
about it.
I feel so
foolish.
so stupid.
I am stupid.
I have all
these feelings
for you.
all of these thoughts.
when I kissed
you goodbye.
it was goodbye.
goodbye for
me.
I might be having
a baby.
I might get rid
of it.
but honestly
You had my
heart.
You had it
closer than
anyone else
in a long time.
It felt good.
It felt like
the first time
in my life
that my heart
would be safe.
I did not cry
all day.
I would not
allow myself.
I got down
on my knees
and prayed.
Make me OK
God.
Please.
Make this OK.
My heart hurts
and the tears
were coming
down my face.
I realized
I might have your baby
but I
can not
and that makes me
feel so empty.