What a Ballerina Looks like

At dance
class I am
waiting my turn.
The trainer
calls you up
one by  one
and you dance
in front of the
class.
This is his time
to tell you what
you need to fix.
I do not mind.
I do mind waiting
my turn.
I feel like I wait
all the time lately.
I step up next
out of line.
I am going
I say.
I am going
next.
I know he will not
like what I dance.
But I really do not
care.
Alicia Keys starts
to sing Girl on Fire.
And I start to dance.
Ballet.
I love Ballet,
but I hate the music.
So I dance to what I like.
As I spin , I am lifted.
Lifted to God.
As Alicia sings
I float.
I have no thought
process.
I just float.
I can see the eyes
of disgrace.
Dancing this dance
to something not
traditional.
But I am so
exhausted following
his rules.
The Rules.
Let me float.
Let me show
you what a Ballerina
looks like.
What I look like.
I want you to
feel my life,
my pain.
my love.
Feel the beat?
Feel the base?
Are my steps
not perfect?
Exactly...
I am not perfect.
After my dance
the music
stops.
The trainer
walks up to me
and gets into
my face and
whispers Why?
I stand looking
down at my
feet.
I lift my head
and say,
Why Not?
Because its
not the way
you should
be dancing.
he says.
This is not
the dance.
Was it not good?
I say.
He smiles and
says good?
No it was not
good.
It was beautiful
and full of
passion, to a
world I do not
know.
I smile.
This is what
a Ballerina
in my world
looks like.
I say.
I can not
be any other
way.
I know, He
says as he puts
his hands on my
shoulder.
Step back , he
says and let
someone else
dance.
OK, I say.
As he walks
away, he
smiles at me
and winks.
Christina, could
you just be like
the others,
just once?
I laugh.
Of course
I say.
Of course, I can not.