What am I doing?

A stressful
week.
Interviews,
selling myself.
selling my ideas
my skills.
Stressful week
of what am I
doing?
What direction
should I go in?
This morning
I go to dance
class.
I have not
been here
in weeks.
I can only
stay an hour.
I have to go
to work.
I get dressed and
on the dance floor.
moving slowly.
I leave the dance
floor and go
to a separate
room.
I need to get
up to speed,
to catch up
with everyone else.
You do this as a
courtesy.
so you do not
bring the other
dancers down.
In the room
I go.
shut the door.
What to dance
to.?
Kenny Chesney
Hemingway's whiskey.
Start slow.
It will come to you.
This is the only
place i can
be me.
Spin. spin and lift.
It is effortless.
I love this place,
Its like home.
Dancing and spinning
slowly to the music.
Where Am I going?
These choices are
so hard.
They spin out of
my head.
jump, spin, and
twirl.
I see more than
people think.
I see past all the
colors, the
sales talk.
I see the basic
nuts and bolts.
Do I want that?
I know I can do it.
I can do anything.
Spin, twirl
jump and feel
the music.
My trainer
comes in.
I do not see him.
I stop and
say,
What am I doing?
He answers very
quietly..
you are finding your
way, my dear.
I turn around.
One dance for
me, he says to me.
I smile.
I love dancing
with him.
He sees me.
simply.
I never have to
speak.
Never have
to explain.
very few see
me.
But god made
me this way.
When you
see me,
I am light.
I am truth.
What would
you like to dance
to I say?
What A wonderful world
he says.
He puts the song in.
Ballroom!
Really, I say.
I can not float like you.
He laughs, I do not
want you to float.
You my dear are
not a floater.
You are a glider.
You glide like
water.
OK, you nut I say.
smiling.
The music starts
and we start to
dance.
Spinning,
Gliding, and yes,
maybe even a little
floating.
I put my face next
to his neck.
You are not supposed
to do this at all.
He usually pushes me
away.
I whisper in his ear.
What am I doing?
He holds me
and glides with me
across the
hardwood floor.
He spins me
and says,
You are trying
to be something
you are not.
Stop.
You are
a dancer.
You take life
and dance
to your own steps.
You fight me daily
on your steps.
They have to be
yours, authentic.
so why do you not
fight with your steps
of your own life.
I stand.
looking.
taking it in.
He is right.
I look at him.
He smiles.
Go to work,
he says you
will be late.
I turn to him,
and say
thank you.
I glide around him
like a little ballerina.
He smiles and laughs.
I leave the building.
Knowing what I am
doing.
I should be fighting
for my steps.
Not what I think
others want
me to do.