Stop trying to please

The breeze was

light and

the sun

was beating on

my shoulders 

as I walked

in the park.

The ducks

made no excuses

for crossing the

road.

They just waddled

across the 

street. 

Cars slamming

on their 

breaks

so that they

do not hit

the  ducks.

They are 

not phased.

They have

their path.

Listening

to nothing

but the quacks of 

fellow ducks.

The ducks trust 

their duck calls

and continue 

crossing the busy 

street.

I watch

terrified that

one of them

will get hit.

I think to myself

they are no match

for these big cars.

But they are.

Traffic piles

up for blocks

as these 

furry

creatures cross

the street 

on their terms.

I sit down

on a bench

and look at the 

pond in front of me.

I have 

lost my way.

my voice.

again.

I know why.

but i do not 

want to say 

it outloud.

if i do.

If I say it,

it will be true.

the universe 

will  hear me,

and make it so.

Thinking it,

it starts to 

come out of my

mouth.

I let the 

words fly 

out of my mouth..

Its because I

am with a man.

I sit in silence.

I sit and think what 

I could do different.

this time.

I get up

and walk across 

the street.

Not watching traffic.

the cars stop 

and beep.

I walk slowly

taking my time.

causing traffic to 

stop for me.

I get to the other

side and for the first

time in along time,

I remember who

I am and smile.

Quit asking for permission.

Stop trying to please.

Live your life

and for gods sake,

make your own path.

At 45 that is what

I intend to do.