You are the tightness in my heart

As I lay 

In bed 

I realize 

Life 

Is 

Short

Earlier

Today

I sat 

In the 

Emergency 

Room

Hooked

Up 

To machines.

Did I have 

A heart

Attack?

My 

History 

Put 

Me here.

My father.

I did not

Tell

My

Mom

She worries

Enough.

My past 

So

Ugly it

Bleeds into

Everything 

I do.

The difference 

Is this

Time,

I am stronger.

This is 

Just a mistake.

I made it.

The doctor 

Came into

The room

And gave 

Me some 

Medical terms.

Then after

His speech 

He asked..

Christina can you

Tell me about

This?

As I started

Speaking 

I could feel

Myself tripping

Over the 

Words.

It's how 

I process things

I said.

It's from

My past.

Do you have

A past doctor?

Feeling alone 

And ashamed

I felt the 

Tears fall

Down

My face.

The doctor 

Simply put

His hand

On my face.

He spoke 

Very calmly.

Your safe now,

That's your past.

As I left 

The ER

I realized 

What I allowed 

To happen.

You creep

In when

I start to

Find happiness.

You won't

Win.

Your my past.

I checked my

Phone and 

Drove to 

Another 

Doctor.

As I walked 

In the door.

The receptionist asked

What brings

You in?

I cleared

My throat

And whispered 

The past.

She nodded

And smiled.

It's ok

Honey we

All have one.

I nodded and 

Smiled.

I sat down

And cried.

How did 

You get in 

My head?

When the 

Doctor came 

Out he 

Introduced 

Himself.

He pulled 

Me up 

And guided 

Me to his 

Office. 

As I walked 

I whispered 

I just need

You to...

As my voice trailed 

Off he 

Finished my sentence.

Help you.

I will,

He replied.