Bleed into that spot

The sunlight

beams in

and forms

a window

on the wall.

Its not that

big.

But it 

sits there 

reminding

me of 

that habit

I had,

when I felt 

I could not

speak up.

I would

push my thoughts

and feelings

down.

Because at 

some point

I knew that if 

I said something

you would not

agree.

you would get 

upset.

You would 

call me selfish.

So I would find a 

spot on the wall

where the sun 

would come

in and I would

stare at it.

I would stare at

it until I became part

of that wall.

blending into

the wall

like I did not matter.

My bones

and flesh

would bleed into

the wall.

I have not felt

that way

in awhile.

Today for 

just a moment

I saw that sun 

spot on the wall

and I pushed

my feelings

deep down

inside.

I felt like

I was bleeding

into  the wall.

I did not like

it. 

But I know

what

I feel..

the thoughts

in my head.

you would never

understand.

So I let myself

bleed into

that spot.

I had no

choice.