Spadina

I am
still very
upset.
This trip
came
at the
perfect
time.
As I walk
these
streets
trying
to push
what
happend
out of my
mind.
I push
it down
so that
I will never
have to
deal
with it.
I will just
keep moving
and try
to get my
mind off
of this
ugly moment.
I keep
thinking
if I find a
buddha
I can calm
my spirit.
Calm my
self,
because once
I start thinking
about it
I can feel
myself
starting to
get upset.
Its not just
about that
moment
it also brings
up ugliness
in my past.
Making a
promise to
myself that
I would not
let myself
be exposed
to that kind
of abuse again.
But in that moment
I felt like
I had to take
it. I was at work.
I need my job.

But at that moment
when it happened
I realized I needed
to run.
Make my spirit
free.
And that is what I
did.
I ran out the
back door
and started
gasping for air.
Crying and
running
I felt if
I ran fast
the escape
would be easy.
But it never
is.
So as I walked
into this store
I picked Spadina
up.
I felt it.
Calmness.
As I bought it
the man who
ran the store
offered me some
tea.
As I drank it,
I was reminded
how much
I am worth.
My inside
worth.
Broken inside,
I can get
to a better place.
I need to
stop listening to
the voices in
my head.
When I got home
and looked
at the wooden
carved elephant
named Spadina,
I realized
there is some
work to be done.
Spadina means
Sudden Hill.
That is what happened
to me,
There was a
sudden hill
that I was not
ready for,
But
now
I am.